Camp Experiences
Learning Objectives:
- Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.
- Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
- Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.
- Organize texts, using a range of appropriate structures.
Level 4
- Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.
- Select, develop, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
- Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
- Organize texts. Using a range of appropriate structures.
Learning goals:
- To hook the reader in with an interesting beginning
- A variety of sentence starters
- A variety of sentence lengths
- Edit and rework
- Effective peer checking and feedback
moment in time
As I looked down at the cottage mess I realized had made by not getting any veges because the mince was overcooked and it felt like chewing cardboard. I was gonna go back up and get some vegetables but the line was huge and I couldn't be bothered waiting. when I was chowing down on the cottage mess it felt like the pie was gonna come back up and go all over Milan's face. now the puddings arrived I thought it would be a big lead up, a horrible dinner but a beautiful pudding. I walked up with my heart racing knowing that I could vomit any time. I waddled back to the moldy table with my squashed up meringue and a pathetic scoop of ice cream. Yuck, it tasted like old moldy milk.so at the end of the day, the food was a 0.5 out of 10.
As I looked down at the cottage mess I realized had made by not getting any veges because the mince was overcooked and it felt like chewing cardboard. I was gonna go back up and get some vegetables but the line was huge and I couldn't be bothered waiting. when I was chowing down on the cottage mess it felt like the pie was gonna come back up and go all over Milan's face. now the puddings arrived I thought it would be a big lead up, a horrible dinner but a beautiful pudding. I walked up with my heart racing knowing that I could vomit any time. I waddled back to the moldy table with my squashed up meringue and a pathetic scoop of ice cream. Yuck, it tasted like old moldy milk.so at the end of the day, the food was a 0.5 out of 10.
Max, well done for going back and rewording your writing in order to add more detail - it helps the reader gain a clearer picture in their mind and you have used some fantastic words. Your next step is to remember to transfer your punctuation skills to published work in order to show what you can do.
ReplyDelete- Miss Lamond